It's Deja Vu All Over Again

The beginning of the school year has put me in a reflective mood. I am looking forward to what the new year holds for the kids. My first grader is learning to read. My third grader is polishing her handwriting skills and actually grasps the concept of rounding numbers. I have a daughter in middle school for the first time. My three year old is actually ASKING to go to preschool in the morning for a change. My 14 year-old son is getting his first taste of the freedom (and responsibility) of high school.
My oldest son, is a senior in high school. It's not easy being the oldest child. They are the ones saddled with all the baggage. You plan for the first baby like no other. This baby will be perfect. *and he was, with his full head of blond hair and big blue eyes. You are going to be the best parent ever, right down to making your own healthy baby food. (Okay, maybe that was just me.) You also make the most mistakes with the first child. By the time the third and forth kids roll along, you realize that you were being over protective when you practically wrapped the first one in bubble wrap before letting him ride his bike. I have gotten much better now, but the damage is done. Don't get me wrong, my son is a wonderful young man. He is smart (he's had a 4.0 average his entire high school career), he's a loving and tender big brother, especially to his youngest siblings, and a warm, outgoing friend. There are just so many things I feel like I could have done better with him. I am older and wiser and more patient. Conversely, I am older, less energetic and busier than I was just five years ago.
Which brings me to my baby. My youngest child is a boy. He is five months old and is the center of attention for everyone around here. All of his brothers and sisters are crazy about him. However, I can't help but feel a twinge of, I don't know, sadness, regret perhaps, when I see my oldest holding him. The week before he arrived, my husband and were touring colleges with our oldest and I was trying to cope with a premature sense of missing him and wondering where the time had gone. A week later, I was holding my new blond haired baby boy.
Now, I am not even remotely suggesting that one child replaces another. All of my kids are completely different. I just find myself in the unique position of, well, starting over and I am trying to figure out what I have done right and especially wrong, in the past years.
At least I have plenty of time to figure it out. At this point, I have had at least one child in school for 13 years. I have at least 18 more years (not including college) until I am done with "day-to-day" parenting. As most anyone with kids will tell you, parenting doesn't end when the kids move out. Anyway, I no longer aspire to be "the best parent ever", just a better parent.